Discuss: I used to have a handle of life but it broke

Life has a series of rules. For the most part, as told to us by those who have come before, these rules are designed to bring unprecedented happiness and prosperity, universal respect, admiration and an extended sex life. But we must be paying attention, and what we are not told is that, again for the most part, someone we don’t know and wouldn’t want to meet makes them up as we go. To suit circumstances. Like waking up one day to find your libido has left the building.

I’m convinced this person lives in a box, a very small, dark, damp box at the bottom of a pit surrounded by growling dogs. (For the moment we will call him Phil). Phil spends his time monitoring the rules, and just when you think you’ve figured out what the rules of life are, they instantly get changed. Obscene amounts of pleasure is experienced by Phil at just that moment, while you find yourself completely bewildered and confused, finally resolving to seek revenge by kicking the cat.

I believe in this person, just as I believe that all chief executive officers are their disciples. It makes perfect sense that the most successful business people in life have sworn allegiance to Phil, because more than any other group only CEO’s get as much pleasure out of changing the rules as Phil does. Except that CEO’s have a lexicon which they apply to changing the rules like ‘change management’ or ‘adapting to new commercial realities’. I am convinced there is an unholy alliance between all managers and Phil, although I am reliably told that their gatherings can also include accountants.

Some people insist it’s women who are best at changing the rules, but do not be fooled – it’s a smoke screen. Some women are just quicker at adapting and can sense, in some invisible and unknowable way, the imminent changing of a rule. And if you know what to look for you can tell when this is about to happen. They narrow their eyes a little, gaze off into some far away place and then insist, passionately, that they’ve never said anything like that, and that nobody ever listens and it would be best for everyone concerned if she just went off to live with her mother.

At this point the rule has changed and its best if you just simply get out of the way.

CEO’s also behave in similar ways but the language is different and will leave you feeling just as bewildered and confused as any other rule change, except with the following important difference. You are in a meeting, you can’t just leave and ‘everything’ will be your fault.

By now, if you have been paying attention you should have figured out that the rules of life can never be grasped – they are ever changing and unless you become a CEO (or a specially hand picked accountant) then life will just be a series of confusing and bewildering events.

So even though you don’t know what the hell is going on, keep smiling.

It’s probably best.